Anyone else but you
by irishhair
Summary: A songfic based on the song, "Anyone else but you" by the Moldy Peaches. It's basically a series of interconnected moments in the Howard/Vince relationship. There's no underlying plot, it's just snapshots of the two of them as a couple.


_You're a part time lover and a full time friend_

_The monkey on your back is the latest trend_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

Howard had been worried that being with Vince would change their friendship. In a strange way though things had stayed exactly the same except with kissing and sex. Which was very nice and a welcome addition.

But Vince still cringed at his clothes and taste in music and he still made fun of Vince's peacock-like tendencies. This was comforting, he wasn't sure whether he could stand it if they had gotten all lovey dovey and spent days staring into each others eyes and writing poems about each other. All right he may have written _one _poem. Two tops.

_I'll kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train_

_I'll kiss you all starry eyed my body swingin' from side to side_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

Vince pulled Howard close and kissed him sweetly.

"No one's looking at you. Why won't you dance with me?" he asked in between little kisses.

"I don't dance. Not in clubs anyway," Howard said stubbornly.

"Please," Vince looked up at Howard through his eyelashes.

Howard felt his resolve crumble. He couldn't resist such an aggressive onslaught of the Vince Noir charm.

"OK. Wait for a slow song," he sighed defeated.

Vince grinned from ear to ear and kissed Howard triumphantly, before dragging him onto the dance floor. He reached up and laced his arms around the taller man's neck and rested his head on his warm shoulder. Howard hesitantly placed his hands on Vince's hips and swayed in time to the music.

_Here is the church and here is the steeple_

_We sure are cute for two ugly people_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

They were playing with an origami fortune telling device of dubious accuracy when Naboo entered the shop to check up on them.

"Give me that, you pair of flannels. Do I pay you to play games?" he snapped at them half heartedly.

"Sorry, Naboo," they chorused dutifully and tried to look repentant.

Naboo went back upstairs and examined the confiscated paper toy. He lifted up one of the brightly coloured flaps. The fortune inside read, "kiss me." Naboo shook his head fondly. They were hopelessly stupid, but he had to admit that they were pretty cute.

_Pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me_

_So why can't you forgive me?_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

"Howard? Howard? Howard? Are you still not talking to me? Are you still cross? Howard-"

"YES! I'm still cross. What was your first clue?"

"Don't be like that, Howard. It was only a joke"

"I don't want to hear it, Vince"

"But Howard-"

"You called me your wife! In public!"

"But you are my wife"

"If anything, you're the wife. I'm not the one who ponces about in make up"

"Can't we both be the wife, like lesbians?"

"..."

"Is that a smile?"

"No."

"It is! I knew we'd make it up"

"Get off me!"

_I will find my niche in your car_

_With my MP3, DVD, rumble pack guitar_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

The van was littered with Vince's things, even though Howard was the only one who could drive. Straightens, CDs, eyeliner, magazines and anything else that he might "need" for a trip to Tescos.

Howard walked towards the stairs with his coat on. Vince looked up from his Cheekbone.

"You going somewhere?" he asked excitedly

"Just to the shops, Vince. I'll bring you back sweets." Howard replied business-like

"No! Wait for me! I'm coming, I just need to get my shoes!" Vince said while bolting for their bedroom.

Howard smiled and leaned against the bannister.

_Up up down down left right left right B A start_

_Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

Vince was cheating again. It was inevitable that when they played any game, Vince would cheat.

"Mrs. Bun is not married to Mr. Brick, Vince and Miss Bloom is certainly not their daughters. Did you even _read_ the rules?"

"They're having a bit on the side. Mrs. Bun got pregnant when Mr. Bun was in Paris learning to make cakes in the shape of the Eiffel Tower and gave the baby up for adoption. The florist down the road couldn't have a baby so they adopted her"

"Vince, you aware that the name of this game is Happy Families? What you just described is a plotline from Emmerdale"

_You are always tryin' to keep it real_

_I'm in love with how you feel_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

They stumbled into the room, pulling at clothes and clawing at each other. Vince pushed Howard backwards onto the bed and leapt on him eagerly. Howard kept his hands on the writhing body on top of him, feeling the muscles slide under his touch and the sticky perspiration on Vince's skin. Vince's mouth on his was beautiful and soft and wet. He tasted like alcopops and rain. To think that this body was his to touch was still a revelation ever time.

Howard felt so manly and strong beneath him. Vince rubbed against him shamelessly whenever the opportunity presented itself to feel that magnificent body press against him. Sex was incredible. Howard was a beautiful, wonderful human being and he was also as hot a vindaloo with extra jalapeños, though he didn't seem to realise it. Vince was completely head over tits in love.

_We both have shiny happy fits of rage_

_You want more fans, I want more stage_

_I don't see what anyone can see I'm anyone else... but you_

They weren't even sure what the fight had been about at this stage, only that it had seemed very important at the time. Neither of them were prepared to be the first to apologise.

"I thought it was bad when they were shagging," said Naboo disgustedly after they had been icily polite to one another after a chance encounter in the kitchen doorway.

"Best get this sorted, Bollo," he sighed and stood up, staggering slightly

Bollo reluctantly put the bong down and followed Naboo. It wasn't right when Howard and Vince argued. Best fix it.

_Don Quixote was a steel driving man_

_My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

Vince signed an autograph for another giggling girl with a flourish. He looked back at Howard sitting alone by the bar.

"Do you want his signature too?" he asked in an uncharacteristic spotlight sharing gesture

"Who's that, your dad?" the girl replied wrinkling her nose in derision.

"Never mind," said Vince coldly and stalked off.

Howard looked sideways at an irate Vince.

"That was sweet, Vince but we all know they're here for you," he said gently.

Vince sighed and put his head on Howard's shoulder.

"Hey, Howard?" he asked tiredly

"What is it, little man?" Howard replied

"I'm your biggest fan," said Vince before kissing his cheek.

_Squinched up your face and did a dance_

_Shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants_

_I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else... but you_

_But you_


End file.
